THE LAST DAMN THING.

a picture i will paint.
so you will understand.
that she was not a saint.
and her life was never grand.
she knew of suffering and pain.
because she felt them often.
and she helped so many without gain.
hoping to make her memories soften.
she smiled brightly to all her friends.
so that they wouldn't dig too deep.
she didn't want then to see their ends.
didn't want to make them weep.
she took her razors late at night.
and cut into her thigh.
she knew it wasn't a pretty sight.
but she didn't want to cry.
in the end she stopped that play.
and now she carries more scars.
to keep her company when she doesn't pay.
for her drinks in all the bars.
you see whe moved on to a different game.
one that tolls weren't so glaring.
she moved into bodily shame.
and now they all call her daring.
her friends think she's innocent.
so full oflife and verve.
but really her emotions are spent.
and she's lost most of her nerve.
she called for help in silence.
but noone answered the plea.
and then she somehow sensed.
she could never really flee.
so she stood up straight.
and stepped towards her end.
she gave a finger to fate.
and looked at her friends.
they were her reason for living.
in a cold a cruel world.
she acted sweet and caring.
and never were insults hurled.
she hated ignorance and lies.
she fought for all to be free.
she comforted when people cried.
and helped to make the blind see.
and people yelled and called her saint.
but she wasn't all that grand.
she hated her life, thats why i paint.
so you will all understand.

i dont think you realise.
what its like to be me.
i dont think you understand what its like to bleed.
you look at me and see.
something thats not there.
a girl who is perfect.
but that is just unfair.
i am not the one.
who said i am the best?
i am just the one.
who cannot ever rest.
you do not see the pain.
that i hide behind cold eyes.
and you do not hear the truth.
that is covered by lies.
i know you see the marks.
that i give myself each night.
but you do not ever comment.
so i guess that its alright.
you tell me that you care.
but i know its not true.
because if you did.
you wouldn't let me stew.
i go along my way.
pretending that i'm fine.
but in cold reality.
i'm just waiting for my time.
when that moment comes.
i will give a real smile.
because the nightmare will be over.
i won't have to breathe denial.
the darkness will then swallow me.
i won't have to taste the fear.
the pain will leave me alone.
i will again shed a tear.


i dont want to live.
but i dont want to die.
will soneone explaint his to me?
i know i can't win.
but i refuse to lose.
so how can i ever be free.
you scream at me and i yell back.
we will never see eye to eye.
you hit me so hard.
then tell me you love me.
why do i always fall for that lie?
i hide all the bruises.
and tell people that i'm fine.
but i'm slowly driving myself mad.
i tried to run.
but then you followed.
and you told me that you were sad.
you scream and rant.
then smaile and laugh.
whatever i do is not right.
you punish me.
she its for my own good.
and now i'm too warped to fight.
someday i'll leave.
and never come back.
but you always know where i hide.
i used to argue.
and protect myself.
but something in me has died.
there was a flame.
soemone told me that they loved me.
but i've seen that light gone out.
i slink around.
try to behave.
and all you ever do is shout.
you raise a hand.
i cringe, but not in fear.
i have lost all sense and feeling.
you scream at me.
say i don't care.
and now i'm on the floor kneeling.
you hit me again.
why wont you stop.
i'm falling into the dark.
i hear voices.
high above.
and i cling to one small spark.
i'm in a white room.
and you are there.
you smile and say the lines.
i am so tired if all you do.
but now you'll answer for your crimes.
you hid my eyes.
kept yourself hidden.
but now i see you for what you are.
i let you use me and now i see why.
i'm what happens when the wish is torn from the shooting star.